my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
