oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
