census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
