You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
