no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
