i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Randomize
