My room smells like vodka and shame
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
