Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
