So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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