and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
