dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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