I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
