I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
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All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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