ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
