is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
