His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
