Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
