how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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