mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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