I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
