I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
