Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
