clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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