the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
