I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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