good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i've created a new STD.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
