every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize