So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
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I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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