my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
