sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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