using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
