shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
