I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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