Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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