I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
