i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
