so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
