You really coming over, don't trick.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
