if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
