i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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