if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
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I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
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Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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