I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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