You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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