I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
