Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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