So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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