You work out of a Hotel?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
how drunk are you?
Several
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
