I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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