It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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