don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
