you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
