Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
