If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
