It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
