You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
