the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
the raccoons are back...
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