after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
