i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
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I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
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we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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