I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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