apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
They took my balls.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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