if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
