Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
