you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
