just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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