Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
