There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
