Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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