As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
