evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel