i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
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and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
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Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to