i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed