She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.